Is my anxiety a part of me?

Feelings are complex, and we often experience many feelings at once. In a recent school session, a pregnant teacher shared, “I feel both anxious and excited.” This highlights an important truth: it's possible to feel two ( or more)  things simultaneously. This is especially important to remember when we’re overwhelmed by a difficult emotion.

For example, we can feel deep sadness and still find moments of joy. A child may feel anxious about a test but still find the courage to try. Recognizing this emotional complexity helps when supporting children through their big feelings.

Using Internal Family Systems (IFS) theory, we can separate emotions into parts of ourselves. Instead of saying “I am anxious,” we can say, “A part of me feels anxious.” This subtle shift in language creates space for self-awareness and compassion, helping both us and our children understand that emotions don’t define us. When your child is anxious, try saying, “I can see a part of you feels anxious,” instead of just asking, “Are you anxious?” Then explore what that part feels like in their body and ask if they feel anything else.

In so doing, we help our children realise that they are not their feelings, that they can have many different feelings at the same time and their feelings don’t define them. All which can help with increasing emotional resilience.

The Emotions Lab