When You Realise It’s Not Your Child You’re Reacting To.

There’s a moment many mums reach,

It’s the moment they realise:

“I’m not reacting as a grown woman.
I’m reacting as the child I used to be.”

And once that becomes clear, the whole scene looks different.

Your child pushes back…
or ignores you…
or raises their voice…

…and something in you reacts far bigger than the moment deserves.
Not because you’re “overreacting,”
but because the reaction isn’t coming from your adult self at all.

It’s coming from the younger part of you,
the version who learnt very early on what conflict meant,
what disapproval felt like,
what it was like not to be heard,
or not to feel safe.

She steps in instantly and invisibly, trying to protect you in the only way she knows.
And the adult, the mother with perspective and reasoning and choice, she vacates the room.

Now you have two children trying to manage a complex moment.
Things deteriorates fast.

The Sadness That Follows

Once women notice this pattern, sadness often arrives.

A sadness for that younger self who had no one helping her regulate.
No one naming her feelings.
No one showing her what safety felt like inside the body.

She had to shout.
Or shrink.
Or stay quiet.
Or be responsible for everyone else’s feelings.
Whatever strategy worked then, she still uses now automatically.

Modern psychology and somatic therapies describe this so well:
these younger “parts” stay active until we finally recognise them.
EFT calls them unresolved emotional imprints.
IFS calls them protective parts stuck in time.
Neuroscience simply calls them patterns laid down before the brain was fully developed.

Most of these templates are created before age seven, when the subconscious is wide open and everything is absorbed without question.

So when your child triggers you, it isn’t personal and it’s familiar.

So Where Does Change Begin?

Not in trying to be calm.
Not in being more patient.
Not in trying to get it “right.”

It begins with noticing.

Just noticing the moment she appears,
the younger you.

The version that panics.
The version that expects something bad to happen.
The version that learned she had to handle everything alone.

And instead of letting her run the scene or pushing her away,
you give her something she’s never had:

A moment of reassurance from the adult you are now.

Something as simple and internal as:

“I see you.
You’re safe.
You don’t have to do this anymore.
I’m here now.”

This is what allows your adult self to return
steady, regulated, available.

And when the adult is present,
your child finally gets the mother they need,
and your younger self finally gets the emotional support she never had.

That’s where change starts.

If this resonates… this is the work we do inside The Leadership Method.

We begin a new round on 14th January, and everything you’ve just read —
inner child, nervous system leadership, parenting from regulation rather than reactivity —
is woven through the programme.

If you’d like early access, join the waitlist below and we’ll send you the details:

👉 Join the Waitlist for Early Access