What Games, Autism, and a Sunny Holiday Taught Me About Real Connection

We’ve just come back from a week away, seven full days of sunshine, sea, and slowing down. It’s not our usual kind of holiday. We normally opt for something more active, a bit off the beaten path, but after a long and intense year, we decided to do what many families do: head for the sun and... do not very much at all.

Without the usual distractions of life, work, school, emails, and the ever-growing to-do list we had time. Time to be together. Time to observe. Time to connect.

But what does connection really look like?

We talk about it a lot, especially in families navigating autism, Poolside, I found myself watching other families too. Some sat chatting, others played in the pool together, some read quietly side-by-side. There’s no one version of connection, just like there’s no one version of family.

In our neurodivergent family, connection rarely looks like long, flowing conversations around a dinner table. We can sit for long stretches but there has to be an activity. And in our case, that usually means one thing: games.

Our 18-year-old son is autistic,  I’ve noticed over the years that he can’t sit at a table for more than 60 seconds before introducing (or generally inventing!) a game. Breakfast, lunch, or dinner it’s game time. Add in a forfeit and he’s thrilled. (Less thrilling for me, the usual recipient of said forfeits... I spent a lot of time fetching breakfast for everyone or narrowly escaping the challenge of ordering food in fluent Italian, thankfully, I convinced them it might be slightly inappropriate!)

But here’s the thing: our resident Games Master has taught me more than I expected on this trip. He’s shown me that connection isn’t always quiet conversations or heartfelt words. It can be laughter, strategy, competition, and collaboration. It can be silly forfeits and poker faces. It can be fun.

I probably would have chosen a different form of bonding, maybe a deep chat or inspiring conversation, but after a week of being totally “gamed out,” I can honestly say I had a brilliant time. I’ve upped my lying skills (thanks to Imposter), and I now have a surprisingly solid poker face. But more importantly, I’ve remembered something vital:

🎲 Games are an incredible tool for connection.
They’re inclusive.
They break down barriers.
They create a level playing field.
They’re communication without confrontation.
They bring us together in a shared experience.

For my son, games seem to offer something even more powerful. A way of engaging on his terms. A structure he can follow. A chance to flex his brain in how it operates best seeking patterns and humour. While conversation might feel draining or unpredictable, games have rules, outcomes, and above all—fun.

Is it a coping strategy? Maybe.
Is it autism? Perhaps.
Is it connection? Absolutely.

We talk a lot about what autistic people struggle with, but less about what they bring. Humour, creativity, a brilliant ability to think differently, and a perspective on life that shakes us out of the ordinary. It is often said that they struggle with connection but I personally don’t this this is true at all.

So if you’re ever wondering how to connect with your autistic child, sibling, friend, or partner... maybe try a game. You might just find a whole new world waiting for you!

The Emotions Lab