Update Your Software Before You Install It In Your Kids

I signed up to train in EFT Tapping because I wanted to help my clients at a deeper level.

Coaching is brilliant. But I kept hitting the same wall. I could help someone see something. Name it. Understand it intellectually. And then watch them go home and do the exact same thing they'd always done.

Because conscious awareness alone doesn't change behaviour.

Ninety-five percent. That's the estimated proportion of our thoughts, decisions, and behaviours being driven by the unconscious mind. Not a self-help statistic cognitive neuroscientists have been saying this for decades. While your conscious mind processes around 40 bits of information per second, your unconscious is handling 11 million. It is not a background player. It is literally running the show.

So I went looking for something that could work at that level.

What I didn't account for was what training in a therapy actually requires.

You unpack your own baggage. All of it. You go into therapy yourself.

I was a coach. Self-aware. Generally content. No obvious issues. I genuinely thought: do I really need this bit?

Of course I did. That's exactly the point.

The unconscious is autopilot. You don't question what you can't see. Your defaults feel like just you  your personality, your reactions, the way things are. There's no red flag because there's no comparison point. It's just normal.

Until it isn't.

What followed for me was the most genuinely mind blowing experience of my life. A slow unpicking of patterns I'd been running for forty-odd years, patterns I'd absorbed before I had the language for any of it. Patterns that were quietly, efficiently, invisibly shaping everything. Patterns that in reality I would never choose. 

Here I was a woman with a decent education. A good degree. A career built on helping other people understand themselves. And somehow, the most fundamental thing,  an awareness of my own emotional programming, had completely passed me by until my mid-forties. I had been wandering through my life with a blind fold on.

I was running outdated software. Pre-recorded. Pre-me having any say in the matter. My parents software installed in early childhood, never reset.

And those patterns were not sitting quietly. They were showing up everywhere, in how I responded to my children, my relationship with my husband, my self worth, my goals and dreams (or lack of). Those patterns ran my life.

We don't just pass down genetics to our kids. We pass down emotional patterns. Behavioural blueprints. The unprocessed material from our own childhoods, handed over without a word or a warning.

I wasn't willing to do that. Not if I could help it.

The biggest gift we can give our children is not a perfect parent. It's a parent who knows what belongs to them. Who can recognise, this is mine, not yours.

That's what we teach inside The Leadership Method. How to understand the patterns driving your reactions. The software running underneath. And, most importantly, how to do a reboot.

Because you can. The patterns aren't permanent. The software can be updated at any age. You just have to know it's there first.