How heavy is your mask?

Neurodivergence runs in families. It’s deeply biological—shaped by a mix of genes and expressed through a wonderfully wide range of traits and behaviours. Often, it’s not until one child is diagnosed that the dots begin to connect for everyone else.

"Would you like to screen siblings?"
And suddenly, you begin to wonder about yourself.

Sometimes it’s obvious. Sometimes it’s not.
The biggest complication?
The size of your mask.

Girls and women, in particular, often wear very thick masks. Sometimes literally, layered in make-up just to feel ready to face the world. But mostly, the mask is emotional, behavioural, and unconscious.

We still diagnose neurodivergence based primarily on behaviour, not brain scans. So what happens when the behaviour doesn’t match the stereotype?

Where do neurodivergent traits hide?
Behind:
• Upbringing
• Personality
• Gender
• Co-occurring conditions like anxiety, dyslexia, OCD

This is why so many autistic and ADHD girls, and women, go unnoticed for so long.

Imagine a girl. She’s intelligent. Highly capable. She rarely gets into trouble.

But…
• She’s rigid in her routines
• Emotionally overwhelmed but doesn’t show it
• A master people-pleaser
• Deeply exhausted from masking
• She may be dyslexic or dyspraxic, hiding her real processing struggles

She maybe a bottom-up processor, tuned into detail, working hard to build meaning step by step. But if she’s also dyslexic, she might rely more on big-picture thinking to compensate. Either way, her strengths and struggles may not be immediately visible.

So she flies straight under the radar… maybe until midlife, when hormonal shifts begin to strip away her ability to hold it all together.

For many girls and women (and boys who mask too), the cost of not knowing is enormous. It might show up later in life as:
• Anxiety and burnout
• Depression
• OCD
• Eating disorders
• Profound shame and confusion

What If We Taught Self-Awareness Early?

Imagine if, as children, we were taught how to understand our brains before we hit a wall.
What if knowing your neurotype was as normal as knowing your blood type?
What if we stopped pathologising difference and started creating environments built on curiosity, not conformity?

We live in hope that one day this will be the case.
We believe that diagnosis can be helpful, but self-understanding is transformative.

Because when we know how we’re wired, we stop blaming ourselves.
And we start designing lives that actually work for our brains.

So here’s to unmasking, because the earlier we do it, the less time we spend recovering from the weight of it.

The Emotions Lab